cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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