i was born a porn star she said
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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