K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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