hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
