im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
