Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I have post one night stand depression
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
