You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
