the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
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it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
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I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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