I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
