Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
