he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
