I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
