Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
