feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
