Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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