Ketchup is God's man juice
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
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I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
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Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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