so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
