i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
