I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
