Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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