Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
did i just pee glitter
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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