he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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