ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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