I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
