The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Randomize