he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
