I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
