she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize