walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
