Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
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You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
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What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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