tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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