my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
