the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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