Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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