Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
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I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
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DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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