I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.