if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It's like God shit irony all over that family
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
