i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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