You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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