lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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