My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We named our party play list daddy issues
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
