Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
