I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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