Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
