piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
