Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
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she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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