The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Let's get the cat blown out
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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