Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
