Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
