Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
