Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.