so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
