The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
