what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
