walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He? As in you personified your dick?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
