god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
