Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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